Open Wide

Accustomed to passing out in a haze of alcohol at this time of year, I welcomed in 2013 by falling asleep at the dentist. With that bright light beating down like a Caribbean sun, the gurgle of the rinser merging with the gentle hum of the radio, and the soft cradle of the leather recliner, I was oddly blissed out. While on the couch, though, I must also confess the real reason for my contentment was the two female twenty somethings lavishing their attentions on my upturned face. It was all too much for my hungover head and I slipped into a winter dream of hot beaches and geisha girls. Bizarrely, it is a pathetic bonus to the male psyche to go to the hairdresser, dentist, or hygienist and have them dangle into your face their tresses, sweet perfumes, and pendulous breasts. Not a bad hourly rate when you compare it with some other and older professions, either.