RIP Monty

Well, that terrible c*** Monty will creep the boards no more. Mortal he was, and Richard Griffiths was a great actor but those who love W&I will remember his delivery of immortal lines: It is the most shattering experience of a young man’s life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, “I will never play the Dane.” Get that damned little swine out of here! It’s trying to get itself in with you. Trying for even more advantage. It’s obsessed with its gut. It’s like a bloody rugby ball now, it will die, it will die! Oh! you little traitors. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. The carrot has mystery. Flowers are essentially tarts. Prostitutes for the bees. There is a certain je ne sais quoi – oh, so very special – about a firm, young carrot… I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary! Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty… in the world Here hare here… …here hare here! Sherry? Oh no, we’d be sucked into his trap! He’s so mauve, we don’t know what he’s planning! I sometimes wonder where Norman is now. Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford. A cat, rain, Vim under the sink, and both bars on. But old now, old. There can be no true beauty without decay. I’ve been preparing myself to forgive you. I think it’s time to release you from the l├ęgumes, and transfer your talents to the meat. I can never touch raw meat until it’s cooked. As a youth, I used to weep in butchers’ shops!