Like all colonialists, Max is a royalist, so I wanted to express the love he has for his motherland in song: ‘Lizzie had a Jubilee And all her plebs had buntin’ ‘Til Max pinned her to a five-bar gate And kicked her little cunt in.’ Beautiful, beautiful. I only wish I had a sentiment so deep. Watching the queen, or grannie as Wills calls her, flower into complete womanhood has been inspiring. For citizens of the Commonweal everywhere, her maturation is cause for the horn. For me, it is supremely moving because she is the same age as my dear old dad. In fact, it’s been emotional. She coulda been my mudda. Shame on you Max. By the way, what is the difference between an expat and an immigrant? Apart from the obvious.